Throughout history, America has had to defend itself against many rogue countries and bad guy regimes. Most start when one nation tramples on the rights of another. Sometimes wars begin when rebel forces think they're all that. A third kind of war starts when one nation has just gone through February sweeps and there's really nothing else on tv.

The current conflict in Iraq is different from wars past in many respects. For example, Operation Iraqi Freedom is the first war to be almost completely televised (on television). CNN and other news organizations have journalists "embedded" into Army squadrons, apparently because watching a TV personality hurriedly put on a gas mask makes for great ratings.

Another thing that is different about this war is that a lot of organizations are seeing it not only as a big fighty-thing, but also as a rare business opportunity. Usually, only the government or incredibly evil people (seen here) make money off the suffering of others. This time, being as American as they know how, other companies are getting in on the act. Let's take a look at a few examples...

Burger King was among the first companies to take advantage of this "unique marketing opportunity" when it unveiled the new Super Whopper, dubbed the "Mother of All Burgers."

Several other companies followed shortly after, and some were more successful than others. The new Skittles flavor is now a top seller, while Honey Nut Cluster Bombs cereal was quickly discontinued.

What a lot of people don't realize is that many of the personalities associated with the war are finding ways to capitalize on their name. Colin Powell was the first to appear, endorsing a new laxative.

Tommy Franks, Commander in Chief of Central Command, on the other hand, launched his own company...

...and has already started signing other war personalities to endorse his products.

Other organizations are using the war to increase their own visibitlity in the public eye.

Others were not so subtle.

What's next for this war? Well, I don't want to spoil it for you, but I can give you a hint: Saddam will soon learn the true meaning of "embedded" when Fox sends Geraldo over.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a plate of Freedom Fries, a MOAB, and a Tommy's Frank just waiting to be terrorized by my mouth.