First of all, if you've been wondering where I've been, I had some computer troubles last week. Anyway, I'm back now.

Next, some site news: You may have noticed the new "picture of the moment" on the left of this page. Click on it to see the whole picture. POTM will become a regular feature, with a new picture each time I update this site. Also, Snarbles was finally updated over the weekend.

Okay, on with the update...

Folks who know me well enough to correctly pronounce my last name* know that I work at KCTV5, a CBS station in Kansas City. I've only worked there for about 3 months, but I've learned a lot about having a "real" job. For instance, did you know that there's a "4" in the morning, too? There is!

Anyway, this is an interesting time to work at a television station, and while I can't go into too many details about our upcoming war coverage plans**, I thought I'd walk you through a normal day at my job. Ready? I hope so, because I've got nothing else tonight.

11pm-12am: At some point, around this time, I go to bed. This is what a lot of people might consider "crazy," because...

2:45am: This is when I get up for work. Well, this is when the alarm goes off. I usually don't wake up until 3am or so. In case you were wondering, no, it's not easy. This is what it looks like outside:

3-3:40am: Shower, shave, check email, read Fark, eat some cereal if I have time.

3:45: Back Sonja's car out of the driveway, pull my car out of the garage, park Sonja's car in the garage, close the garage door, rush out and try not to head my head on the door while it closes while simultaneously avoiding the laser beam that stops the garage door if something like a child's head gets in the way.

3:50am: Merge onto higway 69 northbound. This isn't much of an actual "merge," since I'm usually the ONLY CAR on the road. I don't know why people always complain about traffic on their way to work. This picture is what the roads are like. See that street light? Me neither.

4:10am: Arrive at work. Get first coffee. Somewhere in between those two events, I park my car, but it's not my first priority at that point.

I should clarify something. I don't actually drink coffee coffee. I can't stand coffee-flavored coffee, and I don't know how anyone can. I drink the french vanilla cappucino for two reasons; because I need caffeine to live at 4 in the morning, and I am a big wuss.

The morning newscast starts at 4:30am, and the anchors, Carolyn & Bob, are always surprisingly bright and cheerful, although I know deep down inside they're just as tired as I am. If it were me up there, behind the news "desk," which is really just a big thing they sit behind and put their papers on, I'd be falling asleep during the commercials. Not that I do that now.

So far, I've mostly been operating a studio camera, which is no small task. These are great big cameras, and I believe they are specifically designed not to do anything correctly. This piece of clip art was the closest thing I could find, but it's not that pixelated in real life. Also, our anchors do not wear big chef hats.

Sometimes I also run the TelePrompTer, which is not a fun task. I sit in front of three studio monitors and a computer, and gently scroll a little wheel back and forth to make words appear in front of the anchors. Let me be the first to say that I am not that great at this job.

I know it sounds easy, but the scroll wheel is not friendly. You can be scrolling along at a fifth-grader's reading comprehension speed, but if the anchor is getting ahead of you and you need to catch up, there is no setting between "slow" and "holy crap, slow them words down" speed. This is why I say it's not my favorite position, and I'm sure the anchors aren't thrilled when I'm there either.

The morning news ends at 7am, which is usually the time the sun is rising, represented here by a picture of the sun rising.

This is the first chance since about 5am for me to do such things as "use the restroom" and "sit." When all that is taken care of (individually), people usually gather at the newsdesk to bask in the glow of the studio lights, and pretend, just for a moment, that theyare the star. This is what I do, at least.

From 7 to 9am, we do what are called "cut-ins," where we shoot a live news broadcast that lasts about 3 minutes, and airs during the breaks of the CBS Early Show. I always run the teleprompter for the cut-ins, unless I am so focused on my work at my desk that it appears that I am sleeping.

Sometimes at 9am, I go out for breakfast with my coworkers. This usually means a trip to Village Inn or HyVee, where I must wolf down my food so I'm not the last one done. I'm not sure why I rush, or why I'm afraid of being last to finish, but I have a bad feeling about what would happen if I was.

At 10, we broadcast The Price is Right, which is still a great show. Sometimes I wonder when Bob Barker is going to go completely apeshit on the air. I think that's why I still watch. We do another cut-in at 10:58, then we're done until the 12pm news, which is only 30 minutes long.

I'm home by 1pm. I usually take a short nap, and then stay up way too late, and start the whole thing over. And here I am, once again, at 11:40pm, wasting time on my stupid website while I should have been sleeping.

Hey kids, stay in school.

[Footnotes]

* COR-COR-an, or CORK-ran, or COR-kren. You're right, this is hard.
** Seriously, I'd get canned.