Before I get too far into this update, I should get one thing straight. I am, always have been, and always will be, a big dork. Ok, that being said, let me tell you about going to the WORLD OF WHEELS AUTO SHOW!

In addition to being a big dork, I am also a car geek, and even though there are way too many rice rockets at auto shows these days, I still like going to them, and the World of Wheels is a show I've been going to since I was a wee lass. (Another story for another time.)

Custom car shows are not only a great place to see a lot of cool cars, but also a good place to meet b-level celebrities who must not have anything better to do. Or any money.

Appearing at this particular auto show was a collection of everyone's favorite bald men, which is either a big coincidence, or some weird trend.

We went to the show on Saturday, meaning we missed out on seeing Stone Cold Steve Austin, a professional wrestler, and also a bald man, represented here by a creepy mask that will surely haunt you tonight as you try to sleep.

Hopefully.

We did, however, see everyone's favorite redneck wrangler, Steve Wilkos from the Jerry Springer Show.

Perhaps the best part of seeing Steve Wilkos at WOW was hearing a guy say "I shook that guy's hand from the Springer show." I truly believe it was the crowning moment of his entire life, for seconds later, he spontaneously combusted.

So what, you're saying. What is the point of this update, you're wondering. You should be anyway.

The truth is, I didn't go to WOW just to see the cars and the big bald men. Oh no. I went to see one particular little bald man.

VERNE TROYER.

That's right, my favorite little person in the entire world was here in Kansas City, and I shook his hand. His tiny, tiny hand. Tiny and unusually warm.

Warm and soft. Let's move on.

What was most surprising about the whole event was that the line to meet Mr. Troyer was at least four times as long as the line to meet Steve Wilkos. I have tried to come up with some explanation for this, but I am at a total loss. My only thought is that maybe some of these people thought they'd be able to stick him in their pocket and smuggle him out of there.

I decided before we went to the show that my life would not be complete if I did not meet Verne Troyer and get his autograph. His tiny, tiny autograph.

Apparently Verne's people sent publicity photos to local media outlets, which look something like this. For some reason, this photo makes me dislike Shaquille O'Neal even more than before.

We waited in line for what seemed like 10 minutes, and when the moment came, we were ready. I mean, we had a camera.

As you can see here, Sonja got to him first, foiling my plan to smuggle him out before she could get there.

Before I go too far, I should explain something else. Not only am I a car geek, I am also what is known as a computer nerd. Shocking, I know.

So what happens when I combine these two interests into a mullet-rich afternoon at a car show? Easy. I come off as an all-encompassing total dork. I'm not ashamed.

Instead of handing Verne the photo above, I brought an Apple PowerBook brochure, to celebrate his recent commercial with everyone's favorite seven-foot-tall Chinese professional basketball player, Yao Ming.

Verne was obviously impressed, as he openly laughed at how big of a dork I was for bringing the brochure. Obviously he didn't realize how risky it was for me to bring such contraband into the car show. Luckily, I planned ahead and hid it in inside an economy-sized can of Skoal.

So here is the fruit of my labor. I know I risk a lot of ridicule for being such a dork, but you know, it was worth it.

Verne said it was the first time he'd signed one of the brochures, so I'm sure he'll remember me for years, if not decades.

I'm sure it will be something like "did I ever tell you guys about the huge dork at the auto show?"